it's not that i don't love you, i want to, i just can't

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-09-04T18:00:00

2003-09-04T22:00:41Z

hey yeah ummm i got a new lj, _elation, so ADD ME!!!

GOODBYE FOR NOW.

2003-08-30T16:16:49Z

i think its time i take a good long break from the livejournal world. that's not to say that i won't be back soon. i mean i could stop posting for a day, who knows. i'll still comment on your entries because i think you all are beautiful. but there is just so much weighing me down these days that i don't have the energy to keep up with all this. & i hate pounding the keys mindlessly, not even thinking about what is coming out. i hope all of you the best & i hope someone sends their ♥ your way. till later

are you invited?

2003-08-25T21:41:11Z

and your parents noticed your thinning face, all the weight you lost all the weight you are losing.you said, "i'm done feeling like a skeleton
no more sleep walking dead." you're going to wake from this coma. you're going to crawl from this bed you have made, and stop counting on that camera that hangs round your neck. because it won't ever remember
what you choose to forget .as you try to find some source of light
try to name one thing you like. you used to have such a longer list, and light you never had to look for it. but now it's so easy to second guess everything you do.

friends only

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-08-18T06:43:00

2003-08-18T10:43:31Z

i'm off to my first day of school :(

four fucking months.

2003-08-17T05:49:26Z

"When I was done reading the poem, everyone was quiet. A very sad quiet. But the amazing thing was that it wasn't a bad sad at all. It was just something that made everyone look around at eachother and know that they were there. And Sam and Patrick looked at me. and I looked at them. And I think they knew. Not anything specific really. They just knew. And I think that's all you can ever ask from a friend."

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-08-15T00:58:00

2003-08-15T04:58:50Z

♥ ♥ ♥

i am so alone.

2003-08-15T04:22:58Z

1. Who did you last get angry with? my mum. i get angry at her a lot, you might call me a spoiled brat.
2. What is your weapon of choice? words, bitch. [haha..get my stupid joke!?]
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? i have multiple times.
4. How about a person of the same sex? i've also done that.
5. Who was the last person who really got angry at you? i'm not really sure..i think david nolan?
6. What is your pet peeve? oh god i could go on for hours..but mainly ignorant people [in many different ways]. oh yeah & internet lingo. oh god i hate it!
7. Do you hold grudges or do you let them go easily? for the most part i do, or i at least attempt to.

SLOTH

1. What is the one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? hmm daily?..gone to bed at a reasonable time.
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? really fucking late.
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact but haven't? Elliot, but i saw him at open house, so its all good.
4. What is the last lame excuse you've made? ha i don't make lame excuses! not really..i just don't remember.
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? of course, i love infomercials!
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? oh gosh..probably a couple of years. pathetic i know. but that is the good thing about being small-framed.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? i don't use my alarm clock.

GLUTTONY

1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? wine..yumm.
2. Meat Eaters: DARK..steak
3. This question was missing: ????
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? no, i haven't needed to. i'm not fat!
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? every once in a blue moon, but most of the time no.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? sweets. i'm a candy freak.
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought LUNCH!? oh no.

LUST

1. How many people have seen you naked? i haven't kept count. i try & block some of them out.
2. How many people have you seen naked? yet again i haven't kept count.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the crotch/breasts of another person while holding a conversation? haha..yeah, but people's eyes naturally wonder.
4. Have you "done it"? yes
5. Whats your favorite body part of a member of the opposite sex? i mean come on, i think we all know the truth. second choice would be stomach though.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? fortunatley not
7. Have you ever had to be tested for an STD or pregnancy? no..but i probably will someday.

GREED

1. How many credit cards do you own? none, thank god.
2. What is your guilty pleasure store? err..Hysteric Glamour, but i can't afford much in there.
3. If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it? i would like to say that i would donate most of it to charity, but i don't honestly know.
4. Would you rather be rich or famous? rich i suppose..but that is a hard choice though.
5. Would you except a boring job if it meant hella money? of course!
6. Have you ever stolen anything? only little things, & i'm not proud of it.
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? over 2000

PRIDE

1. Whats the one thing you've done that you're most proud of? ermm..nothing i can think of.
2. Whats the one things you've done that your parents are most proud of? i think when ms.atkins complimented me.
3. What one thing would you like to accomplish in your life? i want to give something back to the world, i mean i sure have taken enough.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in 2nd place? oh god yes. & that is why i don't play sports.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than the other competators? yeah & its not something i like to brag about. but beleive me they were really stupid [i mean if i could beat them they had to be.]
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? oh yeah
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? rode the school train, toot! toot!

ENVY

1. What item of your friends would you most like to have? nothing material.
2. Who would you most want to go on Trading Spaces with? Margaret, Emily, Nick or the David[s]
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? i really don't know..
4. Have you ever been cheated on? no & if that happened there would be hell to pay.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature other than your own? many times.
6. What trait do you wish you had that you see in others? looks..erm..brains.
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? its a good idea..but it is kind of pathetic that someone took their time to make it.

and the last question... what is your favorite deadly sin? envy [& that is just because it was Kevin Spacey's sin in SEVEN. sad, i know].

stolen from sihk_rellik

hot shoes, like whoa

2003-08-10T07:10:09Z

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-08-10T00:18:00

2003-08-10T04:18:23Z

i have a new fucking layout, the other one, was just too..boring i guess. i need a new icon though & i suck at making those. the backing is from raptamakeout.com / raptamakeout
i'm getting ready to watch the care bear movie. david comes home tomorrow & i'm really excited to see him. <3

i think i'm dumb

2003-08-01T01:06:44Z

me david & rachel ate at the penguin, yummm. & i got the mad season cd (<3) & the first two Jewel cds & perljam "ten". my mum was in a really good mood yesterday. i've been feeling pretty strange these last few days, i wish i would receive something totally kick ass in the mail. even an envelope filled with paper hearts, that would be fabulous. i want a package pal that would give me something to do, & someone to send stuff too. anyone know any good communities for that?

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-07-27T13:57:00

2003-07-27T17:57:34Z

i removed a couple of people from my friends list [i know that one or two of you i added first, so just disregard my stupidity], but for the most part you were removed if;
a.you never commented
or
b.i just didn't feel right letting you into my personal life.

p.s. if for some strange reason you want to be added again, comment somewhere

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-07-20T22:41:00

2003-07-21T02:41:33Z

made by him
beautiful, eh?

all your life..

2003-07-21T02:26:36Z

i never asked to love you, it just sort of happened that way.
it was out of my control, can't you see that?
or do you just enjoy being mad at me?
i suppose neither of us are good at controlling our emotions.
but then again, isn't that how you survive,
& after all life is nothing more than survival.
maybe we just weren't ment to get by.

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-06-04T13:36:00

2003-06-04T17:36:37Z

i'm not suicidal or anything but with these recent waves of well (suicide) it makes you wonder. if they're smarter then you are. they got out so they didn't have to drag on. maybe they knew that life doesn't get any better (& that they'd been lied to all their lives), that it only get worse. kind of disturbing, & even more disturbing they might be right. i really hope they're not, but i can't honestly say i would be suprised if they are.

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-05-31T14:26:00

2003-05-31T18:26:11Z

i hate big crowds..yup yup . the concert was good. but too many people. & david is an asshole. i hope he dies. dut not really, i love david. haha not..but really i do. too bad he is GROUNDED. i miss dave, i thought i saw him at jame's taylor, but i didn't.

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-05-31T14:23:00

2003-05-31T18:23:45Z

david you are so lame.

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-05-27T16:57:00

2003-05-27T20:00:07Z

i'm waiting for the phone to ring, with me on the receiving end. & you asking if i'm able to speak. but darling i lost my voice a long time ago.

"Sunday is our day"

2003-05-27T00:24:01Z

there were so many thoughts you had yet to explore, so many bodies, so many lifetimes. & now those are cut, cut like a string. maybe its right that it is no longer dangling in front of you, taunting you with every swing. i suppose its possible that you're right, that life doesn't get any better. so why go through it waiting, suffering, lingering, when you could just stop it all? but there is still the chance that you're wrong, & as cold as it may seem i hope you are. for our sake.

i hope i didn't take up too much your time.

2003-05-26T21:27:03Z

i had such a dull weekend. i finally saw CHICAGO. besides that all i did was eat & shop. my mum took me and emily to infinty's end, where i got a new belly ring & a necklace. then sunday we ate at panda's den for lunch. & later went to borders where i got a bon bon journal. its really compact so i can carry it around with me everywhere. so i'm mainly going to write thoughts and comforting things in it. i've been real depressed lately, & the medicine isn't helping too much. i suppose there isn't too much i can do. all i want is david to get better.

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-05-21T16:43:00

2003-05-21T19:43:30Z

today was the worst day in a long time. david got busted for pot & it turns out lance hung himself on monday (r.i.p.)

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-05-06T20:29:00

2003-05-07T00:29:10Z

could it possibly be true that i love you? i don't know, & if i do i sure don't realize it. all i know is i love the way you know where to touch me, & you get my jokes. you don't think i'm stupid or clumsy, & best of all you said i make you happy. i <3 you.

& i wonder why they loved you.

2003-04-24T23:02:12Z

[name] michelle
[your name backwards] ellehcim
[nicknames] chelle, chelledawg, & another one i won't say
[birthday] february 19
[sign] pisces/aquarius..i'm on the cusp, so it depends.
[eye color] blue
[hair] black, but fading back into brown
[4 words that sum you up] slow, clumsy, loud, sad
[bf/gf] david
[clothing style] something comfortable
[pets] one dog & 3 cats
[movie] bttf 1,2,&3
[crayon] i haven't drawn with crayons in a while..
[flowers] yellow roses
[juice flavor] apple/orange
[cereal] honeycombs/lucky charms
[candies] sweettarts & nerds
[ice cream flavor] vanilla
[color m & m] red
[pizza topping] black olives
[salad dressing] ranch
[hangout] i don't really know..wherever i'm happy at
[saying] thats classic
[day] friday
[month] june
[season] summer
[number] 5
[holidays] halloween
[store (in the mall)] the candy sto'!
[fast food place] wendy's
[restuarants] err..the penguin i suppose
[person to talk to online] no one..hahahahaha
[thing to do in the daytime] sleep/t.v.
[thing to do at night] anything
[thing to do in the summer] sleep, beach, party, everything & nothing
[thing to do in the fall] pick up the leaves/jump in a pile of them, walk, dance in the streets
[thing to do in the winter] bundle up, watch your breath, stay inside, snuggle
[thing to do in the spring] wear dresses around the house, walk around barefoot everywhere
[band(s)] many..but mainly..oh gosh i don't know ozma..& MANY MANY more..counting crows are frequently playing in my room along with mixed CDs.
[subject] history
[food] pizza & pickles
[color] pink

*this or that*
[plaid or striped?] stripes
[scream, scream2 or scream3?] scream
[urban legend or the faculty?] never saw urban legend so, the faculty
[ska or punk?] punk
[salt or pepper?] salt
[rare, medium, or welldone?] medium
[m & m?s-regular, peanut, peanut-butter, or almond?] peanut butter
[chocolate or vanilla?] ice cream? vanilla
[okay, ok, or o.k.?] okay
[sex, drugs, or rocknroll?] well virgin..so between those two hmm..i suppose rocknroll, hard choice though.
[shake or stir?] shaken, not stirred
[pens, crayons, pastels, or colored pencils?] pens!
[bright colors or dark colors?] oh so bright
[fruit at the bottom or pre-stirred?] pre-stirred
[beavis and butthead, king of the hill, or daria?] daria, again a hard choice
[adidas, nike, fila, or reebok?] adidas/new reeboks
[Big red Juicey fruit or Doublemint?] neither
[sunshine or rain?] warm rain? then both
[rain or snow?] snow
[sun or moon?] b o t h
[silver or gold?] silver
[silk, cotton, or flannel sheets?] flannel
[cds or cassettes?] CDs..although sometimes tapes are nostalgic, so it depends on my mood.
[ketchup, mayo, mustard, or relish?] mayo
[shampoo+conditioner in one or separate?] seperate

*what do you think*
[Hanson] i hated them
[Calvin Klein] nice stuff
[Pamela Anderson Lee] gross
[Winnie the Pooh] loveable
[Wal-mart] cheap, but okay sometimes
[clowns] weird
[media violence] way too much of it
[mp3s] i love them

*if you were _______, what would you be?*
[an animal] maybe a cat
[a fruit] cherry
[a vegetable] cucumber
[a color] pink
[a bug] ladybug or butterfly

*short answer*
[are you left handed or right handed?] right
[are you smart?] kind of
[whats your middle name?] it is a secret
[how many personalities do you have?] no one has just one
[are you superstitious?] no
[do you read your horoscope?] sometimes
[what languages do you know?] english
[do you like onions?] yeah
[do you like cotton candy?] oh yes
[what instruments can you play?] i used to play piano & clarinet, but i don't anymore
[what words do you overuse?] too many
[how many pillows do you have?] i don't know..i use two
[do you like to dance?] kind of
[do you like to sing?] i can't
[how many cds do you have?] never counted
[do you like to talk on the phone?] kind of
[How many times have you moved houses?] 3 soon to be 4
[what do you think of chain letters?] stupid
[where would you want to live?] maine or new york
[is your room messy?] it is
[do you like your writing?] its better then some, way worse than others.
[do you like to fingerpaint?] oh yes
[do you sleep with a stuffed animal?] uh huh
[do you sleep with socks on?] no
[are u ticklish] a wee bit
[are you shy?] sometimes
[do you talk to yourself?] all the time
[do you have a basement or an attic?] both
[are you a morning person?] every once in a great while, but usually not at all
[who has the sexiest voice in the world?] erhh i don't know
[who has the most annoying voice in the world?] rebecca's is pretty annoying.
[do you believe in God?] nope
[do you believe in aliens?] i want to beleive
[do you believe in ghosts?] no
[do you believe in bigfoot?] no
[do you believe in the loch ness monster?] i like the idea
[whats your favorite feature (on yourself)?] people like my eyes..i like..nothing.
[what do you do when you?re nervous?] try & make small talk, shake my leg, pick at my nails..but i also do that when i'm bored.
[who?s your role model?] no one
[have you ever thought you were gonna die?] oh yeah
[wheres the farthest place you ever traveled?] floirda or new york maybe, i haven't gone far.
[where do you wanna go?] somewhere romantic

*hard questions*
[would you rather burn to death or freeze to death?] ouch..i don't know.
[are the best things in life free?] of corse not.
[can money buy happiness?] to some degree i beleive
[do you think guys or girls have it easier?] oh those boys
[would you eat a bowl of live crickets for $40,000?] how many crickets?
[if you had a band what would you name it?] we suck..i don't know?????
[what do you wanna be when you grow up?] a toys 'r us kid, so hence no aging.
[gonna go to college?] i hope so
[where do you want to live?] many places
[who do you love?] everyone
[who do you hate?] everyone
[if you had to dye your hair right now, what color would you make it?] black again
[if you had to get a tattoo right now, what would it be?] something magnificent
[if you were gonna be stuck on a deserted tropical island forever with one other person who would you want it to be?] err..i don't know.

&

ANGER
1. Who did you last get angry with? my mum
2. What is your weapon of choice? words
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? if i can't stop myself
4. How about of the same sex? dido
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? my mum
6. What is your pet peeve? people who are always fucked up/or talk about it all the time/majority
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? i usually let go easily

SLOTH
1. What is one thing you?re supposed to do daily that you haven?t done in a long time? err i don't know
2. What is the latest you?ve ever woken up? i don't know..late?
3. Name a person you?ve been meaning to contact, but haven't: my letter person
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? errmm i don't remember?
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)? oh yeah! we were watching them last night.
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? hahaha..
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm? i don't set an alarm

GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? it used to be orbitz or perrie
2. Meat eaters: eat meat, like me
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you?ve had in one sitting/outing/event? enough i suppose
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? nope
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? don't all girls?
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? eh depends on my mood
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "LUNCH!"? wait i never told anyone about that..i mean no!

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? too many
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? i honestly haven't kept track.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? heh yeah
4. Have you "done it"? no :(
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? eh it varies from guy to guy
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? haha no..but that would be funny.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? nope

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? i'm not even old enough
2. What?s your guilty pleasure store? all
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? i don't honestly know
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? well famous
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? probably
6. Have you ever stolen anything? i'm not proud of it..although nothing major
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? ouch i don't even want to think about it

PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you?re most proud of? i don't know
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? nothing! hahahaha
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? something comendable
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? depends on the contest
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill? heh no
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? haven't we all
7. What did you do today that you?re proud of? only ate a bagel & some steak

ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? money
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? eh i'm not sure
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? eh thats tough
4. Have you ever been cheated on? no
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? of course
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? alot
7. Do you wish you?d come up with this survey? heh no..
8. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? pride

SEVEN HEAVENLY VIRTUES:

FAITH
1. What religion do you follow? nnnnnnnnoone
2. What religion were you raised as? nothing really.
3. Do you believe that forgiveness is a religious property, or a human property? human
4. Do you believe in magic? it is a nice thought, but it isn't realistic
5. What was the last promise you broke? hell if i know
6. Have you ever said the words to a prayer and not meant it? when i was little
7. Do you believe that anyone could be perfect? no

HOPE
1. Did you get everything you wanted over the last holiday season? not at all
2. Regarding your future, what is the best thing you could hope for? happieness
3. Do you let yourself get your hopes up for something even if you know that there is a large chance of failure? yeah
5. Have you ever bought a lottery ticket? i think i'm under age
6. Do you gamble? yeah sometimes
7. Have you ever had something called off on account of bad weather, but then gone ahead and done it anyway? Like friends saying they will meet at the park, but it begins to rain, and they back out but you go to the park and play in the rain? no but i would.

CHARITY
1. What causes do you support? ehh none
2. What causes have you given money or time to? i don't really know the names
3. Have you ever worked in a soup kitchen or done another kind of outreach for the homeless? yeah
4. Would you ever consider joining the Peace Corps, Amnesty International, or another travel-inherent worldwide charity group? of course
5. Do you give money to the homeless on the street? i try
6. Have you ever helped out a friend with basic needs, like rent or food? of course
7. What?s the greatest extent you?ve gone to help a friend in need? not that far, but i would

FORTITUDE
1. What are you most afraid of? probably dieing
2. What did you do today that was really brave? nothing
3. Who is your favorite super hero, and why? rouge because she kicks ass.
4. Would you put your life in danger to rescue someone? i would hope so
5. If you were to face the Wizard, would you want more courage, more brains, or more heart? brains
6. Have you ever gotten stage fright? yeah i have
7. Do you consider yourself to be a leader or a follower? leader

JUSTICE
1. Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? again i'm not of age
2. If they reinstituted the draft (for both genders), would you go, or would find some way out of it? find some way out of it
3. Do you support capital punishment (the death penalty)? hell no!
4. Which should be guaranteed legal: cocaine, marijuana, heroin? marijuana
5. Do you believe that Dubya is rightfully President of the USA? hell naw
6. What was your favorite media circus trial? simpson

TEMPERANCE
1. What do you have the hardest time moderating yourself on? smokes
2. Do you collect anything? snippets, memories
3. Are you addicted to anything? oh yeah
4. Have you ever put anything on layaway or used an installment plan? nope
5. What?s your preferred method of paying for things? the bills
6. Tell us one thing you wish you hadn?t let yourself do: been so worrie
7. Do you feel that you obsess over things? fuck yes

PRUDENCE
1. Who is the wisest person you know? depends on what knowledge we're speaking of
2. Have you ever participated in a vigil? yeah
3. Do you take advice when it?s given? not really
4. What area are you wisest in? feelings maybe? which is strange because i have none.
5. Do you drive defensively? don't drive, but i would
6. Have you ever had unprotected sex outside of marriage? still a virgin
7. What did you learn today? that it is hard to hug someone who laying down on a love seat.

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-02-23T22:39:00

2003-02-24T03:49:41Z

does anyone know where i can get a really cool background for my lj?

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-01-24T18:43:00

2003-01-24T23:43:45Z

i need a place to upload a backrougnd for my journal????

feelofaskeleton @ 2003-01-12T03:18:00

2003-01-12T08:18:08Z

i created a new community;
andiswear
its about feeling infinite. thoughts on it experience, pictures, etc.